The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
