so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
