Can i not drive my cunt home
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
