I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
