Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
