she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
