people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize