you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
