just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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