I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
