I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
