I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
