I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
barbara walters just said penis...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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