I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize