Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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