So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
