I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
