can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
