I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
