At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
