And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
