Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
