By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
