Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
