I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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