So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My ATM looks so different sober.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
