She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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