I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
