it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
