My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
