Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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