Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
