My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
