I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
this is an emotional support booty call
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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