I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
