Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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