Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
