im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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