You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
