so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
