dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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