I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize