I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
