At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
