There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
