Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
