DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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