note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
