I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
