Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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