i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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