Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
