He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize