I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you didnt know i had herpes?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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