Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
