i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
