take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
