Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
