Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
