He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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