also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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