Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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