I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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