I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
