Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
