Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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