1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
