I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
