Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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