yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
