I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
